TwoDorks.net

Shane and I got together last night for our normal jam session.  While normally these don’t result in anything spectacular, we felt our muse was on our side last night and produced some hillarious audio.  It is a parody of “The Happy Wanderer” which we turned into “The Horny Governor”

I hope you enjoy it, you can watch the embedded video, or download the song as an mp3. (download)

First, don’t worry, no kittens were harmed in the making of this post.  Also, no picture with this entry as I was too busy running around to pull out the phone and take one (and it was probably too dark anyhow, and the sucker was WAY too fast…etc)

Anyhow, Samanthas mom, Sam and I went to Thai House & Sushi Bar for dinner tonight.  It’s our favorite Thai restaurant in Florence.  As usual the food was amazing and the girls ate too much, the service was wonderful and I can’t recommend the place enough.

After we finished dinner we headed back to the car and were greeted with the mewling of a kitten.  It was constant, just meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow with an occasional MEOOOOOOOW!  It was heartbreaking, yet deciedly frustrating at the same time.  We had FISH fer christsakes.  We put it on the GROUND and MOVED AWAY from it.  The stupid thing wouldn’t come out and get it.  We (and by “we” I mean I, singular) were reduced to crawling around the car to determine where the fuzzy feline was and attempt to coax him from underneath the vehicle.

Finally, his hunger must have gotten the better of him because he came out and ate a piece of fish I had left on the ground.  “Ok, that’s a start.” I thought, “lets put another piece down right there and maybe he’ll eat it.” So I added another small piece of fish (leftovers from Samantha’s dinner) to the ground where the previous one was and hovered.  He came a little ways out and ate it, then dissappeared back into the shadows yet again.  “Ahhhhh!  Psychology 101!” I put the next piece closer to me.  He came and ate it, and another one even closer.

By this time he was right up to me.  “Mhmm we’re developing a rappaport now!” I thought, and extended my hand with a small piece of fish in it.  He came, he ate, then he sniffed my fingers.  “He wants to be petted!”  I’m such a silly human.  He ducked and stepped back.  “Ok, ok, no petting” I said, and he came back to me.  I held out my hand, and I readied my cap behind my back to catch him.  Then with one fell swoop, the fucker bit me.

Yeah, you thought I was gonna catch him didn’t you?  I was so ready to.  I was going to swing my hat out and nab the little sucker before he knew what hit him.  (In hindsight, he would have just slipped out the hole in the back, duh!)

It was time to bring out the big guns (aka, the blanket from the back seat.) and take this little runt dwn.  With the help of a little more coaxing and yet more fish, he was back in position.  I threw the blanket and “AH HAH!” I shouted triumphantly.  Bystanders had gathered by this point and were all grinning to each other in a knowing way.  Samantha and her mother were practically hugging for joy.  I bent down and placed my hand gently on top of the blanket so as not to crush the fragile feline.  It collapsed.  There was nothing there.  “Damn! That sucker is quick!” I believe I uttered astonished.  Everyone began laughing.  I was fuming.

After crawling around on the ground like a dyslexic spiderman trying to ascertain where kitty was, we finally decided that there was no way we could hope to catch him.  We had no idea what to do with him when we finally caught him, but we were going to just try to get him out of the car and into the open.  I got down on the curb, where I could see where he was.  Samantha rolled down the window so she could hear me, I’m not sure what her mother did at that point, probably just tried not to soil herself with laughter.

When the kitten was in the middle of the car, I had Samantha ease the car up a few feet.  He just moved with it.  Darn it!  I had her stop.  He went up the wheel well.  I swore.  So, kicking on tires became the order of the day, or rather, the night, seeing how it was 9:15 by this point.  From one to the other he ran.  A wibble wobble, to and fro “and the one little duck with the feather on his back, he led the others with a quack quack quack.”  Not quite the right animal, but the sentiment is there.

Finally, he stopped in the middle of the car.  Samantha was ready, with her heart in her throat.  “NOW!!!!” I shouted, and she stomped on the gas pedal quicker’n a professional dragster.  I half expected to see her shooting back, over the curb, and into the tree planted behind her.  Thankfully she had the presence of mind to be in “Drive” instead of “Reverse” unfortunately she did not have the presence of mind to turn on her headlights (it was 9:15 remember?)  No matter, she was gone down the street before we could scream at her, so focused on the cat we were.

By this time he had taken off down towards the intersection, sticking along the glass storefronts, trying to jump through the glass and get the hell away from me.  By this point, I must freely admit I was probably not looking the most inviting.  I had turned into MATTMAN!  The blanketed crusader!  I skipped through the night chasing after the homeless kitties of mankind!  Sucker was fast.  I still didn’t manage to catch him.  I did manage to flap myself all up and down the street, in front of the stores looking like so much of an idiot.

At the time it was deadly serious, however when he got away (escaped into an alleyway with a trashcan and bags piled high) and Samantha managed to come pulling up (still sans headlights) we saw the humor in it.  By the time we arrived home, everyone was breathless and about to wet themselves.  It was bad that we didn’t manage to catch him, but then again he really REALLY didn’t want to be caught.  We managed to get a little food in him, and to keep him from being run over.  That’s really about all you can ask for in a situation like that.

Now, if you’ll pardon me, I still smell like fish, I need to go wash my hands.

Samantha left Friday before last for Smith Mountain Lake, right outside Moneta, VA, leaving me to come back to an empty house after work.  All weekend as well as Monday and Tuesday I was on my own…and to tell you the truth, other than work at the office and class, not much got done!  I did mow the lawn, but besides that…

I departed Tuesday evening at 8:30 after class was over, arrived at half past midnight, and fell asleep.  Wednesday was just a lazy day of doing nothing, although we did go check out the new Mexican Restraurant (excellent Nachos Fajitas and Margaritas) before we went for a neighborhood walk with Roxy and Onyx.

Thursday we took a drive into Roanoke, VA to run some errands, and then checked out the AmRhein Wine Cellars somewhere off the Blue Ridge Parkway.

While there we tasted several different varieties of their wine, made from grapes grown on their property.  All were wonderful, but their Pinot Grigio was outstanding, as was their Petit Verdot.  The Melange was quite an eye opener, featuring a blend of one of my favorites, Syrah, along with Cabernet Sauvignon and Petit Verdot.  If you are ever in the area, I highly recommend a visit. (They are also in the 2009 Virginia Wine Map if you have a chance to grab one.)

Friday was the big hike up Sharp Top Mountain, elevation 3875 above sea level.  It was once believed that Sharp Top was Virginia’s highest peak (an honor now bestowed upon Mount Rogers) and a stone from this mountain is actually in the Washington Monument.

The hike started off pleasantly enough, the temperature was perfect, in the high 60’s, I was in shorts and a thin sweatshirt with a t-shirt underneath.  After the first 1/3 mile, the sweatshirt had come off and I found myself picking my way through rocks scattering the trail.  The second 3rd got quite a bit steeper, requiring some rather large steps up to stay on the trail.  The last 3rd was almost all stairs cut into stone.  While I’m not sure how I feel about climbing steps complete with guardrails to get to a summit of a mountain (cheapens the thrill a little, aye?) the view from the top was nothing short of amazing.

The hike down went much faster than the hike up (3 miles round trip) and our feet were quite happy to sit down at the end.  We stopped and got some Mountain Peach Ice Cream for Samantha on the way back to the house (I had a Klondike)  where we rested for a bit before deciding to venture out and about with just the two of us.  Turns out to be a good thing we did.

Just down the road, couldn’t have been 10-15 miles from the house, we discovered the Hickory Hills Vineyards.  Let me tell you, these guys are absolutely amazing.  Not only do they produce some great wines (Try the HHVW Chardonnay, its amazing!) but they absolutely take the prize home for customer service as well.  We originially only planned to do a tasting and pick up a few bottles of what we liked, but the trip turned into a hour and fourty five minute tasting, tour, and lecture all rolled into one.  Being a homebrewer, I was absolutely ecstatic that they were willing to show us the working areas, the fermenters, and even let us taste an upcoming but unfinished wine (2008, still has a year and half left of aging)

Do not pass up a visit to this place if you are within an hour’s drive.  They’ll make it worth your while if you care more about wine than the end product.  Show some curiousity and you’ll be richly rewarded by the family that owns this wonderful vineyard.

Saturday came all too quick, and while the guys enjoyed a nice round of golf at The Waterfront, the girls found some lunch somewhere and went shopping.  We all met back at the house again before dinner at the Blackwater, right down the road, and finished our mini-vacation off with a sunset cruise with the dogs.

Quite a satisfying trip, and it’s always great to see family.

Pistol Pete, I know we did not always see eye to ankle, indeed I’m still unsure if you actually associated my feet with my person.  Regardless, to my knowledge you’ve lived through food poisoning more than any animal, or for that matter, any person I know.  If the trashcan containing the rotting chicken from the day before was your vice, your bed was definitely your throne.

You watched my sister go from a young girl, unsure of herself, her standing, and probably her friends, to a woman who offers by far more than she ever asks.  I’ll never know what secrets you two shared, but I’m unabashedly grateful that you were there for her regardless of her situation.  You were always happy to greet her, even when she had been away longer than you had ever known.  You warmed her feet, just as assuredly as you warmed her soul.

While I know you tolerated me and on occation would actually listen to the things I said, I have a sneaking suspicion that it was only to have your ears scratched, or your belly rubbed.  Although in the past years as our family has grown up, moved out, I know that we never, and will never move on.  You were a large part of what made our house a home.

I know you would never want us to feel the sadness that we are feeling tonight, and if you were granted more years at our hearth, you would undoubtedly take it.  I don’t feel, or believe, that your life was cut short, nor could it have been richer for the experiences you shared.  It was your time just as surely as you told us “I’m going to lay down peacefully over there” and never rose again.

I’m sure that while my sister faces a sad trip home from the veterinarian’s tomorrow, she won’t be as alone as she feels.  While her humble abode feels empty and lacking, I know pieces of you will still be there.  Wherever we all may roam, there will be little bits of you that continue to float through our lives, through our hearts, and through our minds.

So long as we have the memories, you live on…forever.

Farewell Pistol Pete, you will be missed.

This was originally from Rachel Ray but after reading a bunch of the comments I realized some changes needed to be made. Here is my version of Rachel’s adult version of mac and cheese aka Mac and Cheese Lorraine (btw it was only minor adjustments…nothing major!)

Be sure to prepare all ingredients before starting. This is the type of meal that everything needs to be timed perfectly!

Ingredients

Salt
1 pound gemelli pasta or other short cut pasta
1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
1/2 pound bacon, chopped
1/22 onions, quartered and thinly chopped
1/2 cup dry white wine
2 tablespoons butter
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 cup chicken stock
1 cup whole milk (I used skim milk and it worked fine)
Freshly ground black pepper
2 cups shredded Gruyere (even if you HATE swiss, use this!)
Pinch freshly grated nutmeg, to taste
1 tablespoon Dijon mustard

Heat water for pasta, salt water and cook pasta to al dente.

While pasta water comes to boil, heat extra-virgin olive oil, 1 turn of the pan, in a deep skillet over medium-high heat. When oil is hot, add bacon and crisp, 5 to 6 minutes. Remove with a slotted spoon and drain on paper towels. Add onions and cook 10 minutes until soft and beginning to caramelize. Add wine and cook out, 1 minute.

While onions cook, heat a sauce pot over medium heat. Add butter, melt and whisk in flour. Cook 1 minute then whisk in stock and milk and bring to a bubble. Thicken a few minutes then season with salt and pepper. Melt in cheese stirring it in a figure-8 motion with a wooden spoon. Add nutmeg and mustard and adjust salt and pepper.

Drain pasta, toss with onions and stir in cheese sauce to coat. Top with crispy bacon and serve.